I begin by listening and asking clear questions. Then I give you my take: an assessment. This is an outside view of what’s going on and where there may be room for movement.

This first step often already brings some clarity. You hear how someone outside the situation sees it. If we agree on the picture, we move on. If not, we pause, rethink and refine.

Example: Two colleagues in a big company came to me because they had hit a wall working together. They framed the problem as personal, and it had started to affect the rest of the team. After speaking with both of them separately, I noticed the issue wasn’t personal or about the actual content — they simply had different ideas of what the priorities were, and neither had ever made them explicit. I gave that observation back to them. That reflection alone gave them a new way to talk about it on their own.

If we agree on what’s going on, we talk about whether I’m the right person to help. This could be anything in the range of services I provide, or a mix of them. You can find more about that on my homepage.

I’ll be clear about what I can do and what kind of path I see, even if it’s just a first step or a scenario worth exploring. If I believe there’s a realistic chance of movement and the right intent is there, I’ll say so. And if, after looking at the options together, I don’t think I’m the right fit or can’t see how the puzzle might come together, I’ll say that too.

For mediation work specifically, I don’t suggest or steer outcomes. As a mediator, my role is to guide the process. Not the content. The direction and solutions always come from the people involved.

Example: A small business owner asked for help with a tense client relationship. He was hoping for mediation, but he also knew the other party wasn’t open to that. I explained that without willingness on both sides, mediation would be limited and likely ineffective. Instead, I helped him prepare for a direct, constructive conversation, which turned out to be exactly what he needed.

Once we’re clear on the goal and role, we shape the process together. I usually propose a structure that includes the number of sessions, who’s involved, and what we’re aiming to achieve. If you already have a process in mind, I’m open to your ideas as well. We agree on a process that’s realistic and appropriate for your situation.

Example: A client asked me to design a training for 80 employees across several offices. I suggested starting with a small pilot group to test the format and content before scaling up. That gave us space to adjust and improve. Some colleagues from the pilot also joined a later session to go through the improved version again. It helped strengthen the content and showed real ownership from within the group.

This is where we engage. I especially keep an eye on:

• When to slow down or press on

• What’s being avoided

• How people are showing up

If needed, I check in with leadership or decision-makers during the process to share a short progress update and create space to adjust if things need fine-tuning.

Example: During a multi-day negotiation training, I noticed that one subgroup was struggling more than expected. I flagged it to the client, and we adjusted the breakout setup on day two. This made the remaining sessions much more effective.

Most of the time, the real test comes after the session or agreement. That’s why I build in follow-up: to check whether things are actually working, and to adjust if needed.

This can be a short call, a reflection meeting, or an extra round if the situation shifts. The goal is to make sure progress sticks and doesn’t quietly fall apart when people return to business as usual.

Example: In a mediation between a lessor and a lessee about sharing costs for venue upgrades, we reached a solid agreement. Before we closed, I brought up the follow-up conversation they had mentioned earlier, about who would take the lead on implementation and when decisions needed to be made. They agreed I’d check in again in three weeks. That follow-up call turned out to be crucial. A few details had been read differently, and we cleared them up before tensions could rebuild.